We’ve all heard the stories, usually of the horror variety, regarding in-laws. Many focus on the mother-in-law/daughter -in-law relationship. I am so lucky! We live about 1 1/2 blocks from my in-laws. Not getting along would be a disaster.
At first, I was nervous. My mother-in-law (MIL) and I are so different:
MIL- petite, religious (Catholic), friendly, sweet, kind, polite
Me- tall, big-boned, spiritual but not religious (Jewish), introverted, foul-mouthed
How would we ever get along? In reality, our differences are less important than our actions. We both respect others and their beliefs. We both enjoy a spirited discussion knowing that opinions do not need to be laced with insults.
Most importantly, we both acknowledge that her son/my husband is not perfect. That alone probably takes away much conflict. You hear about so many MILs who think their child is perfect and put all blame on the spouse for every little thing. She knows her son. She knows that he is human and he makes mistakes. She knows that he can be headstrong and stubborn and opinionated. When I ask, she gives me advice on how to deal with him and my frustration with him. I respect that she has been married for 45 years to a man who shares some of my husbands better traits as well as the more frustrating ones. She has a lot to share.
And we share many values. When I got married, we opted to have a priest and a rabbi. I remember the priest, an old family friend, telling us that it was not important if our child was Jewish or Catholic. It is important to raise our children with Judeo-Christian values. At the core, I think all religions share the same values. Even the 10 commandments can be broken down to Respect and Kindness.
She is amazing with my kids. She doesn’t spoil them and always asks before she gives them treats. Even when I tell her that she can do what she wants at her house, she is very careful to not cross any lines. She has taught them more about manners and respect, succeeding in places where I have failed. She helps them with homework when I am ready to throw up the white flag in defeat. Her calmness is a perfect counterbalance to my crazy, stressed out, working mom persona. My in-laws are as much a part of my team as my husband is.
While I can’t tell you how to have a good relationship with your mother-in-law, I can say that you should try to find common ground. Sometimes, that isn’t possible. Someday, I’ll tell you about my mother. And that is a whole different ball game. (and a much longer entry)
What I Don't Say 